I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
