Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
