Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
