He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
