the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
