We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
