im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
