I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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