The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sobbing to NWA
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
