i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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