in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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