You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
