i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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