i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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