you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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