I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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