help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
