Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
