I hate your face
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
