just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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