My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
