his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
