Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
