oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
