Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
