margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
