Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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