yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
