I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
