You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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