Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
