I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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