How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
