yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
