I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
