After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
