going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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