Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I will die if light touches me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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