Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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