apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
