three words: i give head
three words: not that well
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
