watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
