Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
