i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
