In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pants are for mortals
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
