but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
