Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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