Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
