Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
