So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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